The private nurture of your own heart as a pastor is not only a humble confession of your need and a confession of your love for the Saviour; it is also a statement of your love for the people that God has placed in your care. It is in this way that preparation and personal devotion intersect. No, you're not reading that passage in the morning to develop content for a moment of teaching; you're reading it to feed your own heart. But in doing so, you are preparing your heart to face all the responsibilities, opportunities and temptations of local church ministry. What you're doing morning after morning raises the potential that in crucial moments of pastoral ministry you will be part of what God's doing rather than in the way of it.
Dangerous Calling, P189
At the moment in my morning Bible reading i'm in Numbers, Psalms and Acts. I'm currently preaching though Revelation in teen Sunday school, and Mark in teen church on Wednesday nights. So does that mean my devotional reading and my prep reading are totally separate? Well yes and no.
Yes, they are separate in that i read Numbers, Psalms and Acts in the morning in the side room off my kitchen, and Mark and Revelation in my office at church. Yes, they are separate in that i'm reading in the morning with my eyes solely on me. How can i apply this text to my situation, my marriage, my ministry and my temptations. When i'm prepping in Mark and Revelation i'm looking for more general application. How is this relevant to a 14 year old? How would this challenge someone who has grown up in church? But in another sense they're not separate. What i read sitting at my desk feeds my soul in the same way that what i read in the morning does. Unless i develop a calloused, 'professional,' heart, when the Bible is open, God is speaking to me, leading me though the city to find my beloved. If i am to serve my church well, i must apply my own preaching first of all to myself, so when i'm reading Mark or Revelation, when i have a commentary open, i'm asking the Lord to keep applying to me, as well as to my teen group. If there is a line between personal and preperational reading, it's one we must stand on both sides of at all times.
Sometimes this works out differently. Last Wednesday i was scheduled to preach high school and middle school chapel at our Christian school. The prep time i had went on a message from Ephesians 2:1-10. But that morning i read Leviticus 16. My heart was so gripped by Christ's expiatory and propitiatory work that i couldn't not preach on it that same morning. Instead of about 1600 typed words i had about fifty scribbled ones. Less bookwork preparation, but plenty of heartwork preparation. Again, standing on both sides of the line at the same time.
Later on this morning i'm meeting with a student. I've no idea what is on his heart, and so in that sense i can't 'prepare' for the meeting. Except i can. What that young man needs from me is not stock answers from a Bible study on whatever his problem is, but my own relationship with God overflowing into our time together. As McCheyne said, what a minister's people need more than anything is his own personal holiness. This young man needs to meet his youth pastor as a beggar who has found a feast and invites him along, not a professional with all the answers.
Yes, they are separate in that i read Numbers, Psalms and Acts in the morning in the side room off my kitchen, and Mark and Revelation in my office at church. Yes, they are separate in that i'm reading in the morning with my eyes solely on me. How can i apply this text to my situation, my marriage, my ministry and my temptations. When i'm prepping in Mark and Revelation i'm looking for more general application. How is this relevant to a 14 year old? How would this challenge someone who has grown up in church? But in another sense they're not separate. What i read sitting at my desk feeds my soul in the same way that what i read in the morning does. Unless i develop a calloused, 'professional,' heart, when the Bible is open, God is speaking to me, leading me though the city to find my beloved. If i am to serve my church well, i must apply my own preaching first of all to myself, so when i'm reading Mark or Revelation, when i have a commentary open, i'm asking the Lord to keep applying to me, as well as to my teen group. If there is a line between personal and preperational reading, it's one we must stand on both sides of at all times.
Sometimes this works out differently. Last Wednesday i was scheduled to preach high school and middle school chapel at our Christian school. The prep time i had went on a message from Ephesians 2:1-10. But that morning i read Leviticus 16. My heart was so gripped by Christ's expiatory and propitiatory work that i couldn't not preach on it that same morning. Instead of about 1600 typed words i had about fifty scribbled ones. Less bookwork preparation, but plenty of heartwork preparation. Again, standing on both sides of the line at the same time.
Later on this morning i'm meeting with a student. I've no idea what is on his heart, and so in that sense i can't 'prepare' for the meeting. Except i can. What that young man needs from me is not stock answers from a Bible study on whatever his problem is, but my own relationship with God overflowing into our time together. As McCheyne said, what a minister's people need more than anything is his own personal holiness. This young man needs to meet his youth pastor as a beggar who has found a feast and invites him along, not a professional with all the answers.
So all devotion is preparation. Preparation of my own heart and mind. A feeding on the life, death and resurrection of Christ. A feast in the wilderness. An opportunity to taste and see with the purpose of inviting others to do the same. If my heart isn't warmed, ho can i offer that warmth to others? And all preparation is devotional. When the Bible is opened God speaks, and He speaks into my life. He speaks to me about the Kingdom of God in Mark and the soon coming end of all things in Revelation. As i pray, read and reread my passage, make notes and look and commentaries, i must have my heart open. I must be, so to speak, 'on my knees over my books.' Then, with my heart warmed and my head informed, i can offer Christ to me teenagers, and we can feast together.
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